dear bob

i have thought of you often
over the past couple years
i put you away
one self-pity day
i think it is time to meet you again,
my Battery-Operated Boyfriend

strokin' me

i've been doing transcription for about 4 years. i so enjoy it. i would go into a deep depression if i did not have the work to wake up to most days of the week. early in the spring i took on another account from a gal in california. i was not getting steady work from her, but i had hopes that it would change in time. i never knew what she was going send my way - so every day i learned something new.

then one day, i thought i would do one of my craigslist searches just to see what was out there for part-time transcription work. not that i was really looking, but ya never know if there is something better.

i had not done a search for work in about 4 months, because i was keeping busy. but, i really did want some steady doctors as it's much easier to get a rhythm when you type the same ones - they too are creatures of habit and generally use the same phrases over and over again.

to my surprise, the second ad on the list was by the gal i am typing for in california. she was looking for a full-time person. so, i emailed her and told her i saw her ad on craigslist and was curious. she asked me if i was looking for more work and i told her i was, but i didn't think i could do full time because of my texas account. so, i asked her if she would consider taking on another part-time person and send the other part-time work to me.

i have to tell you, my 2 faithful 'followers', in this business, it does not seem that we get much stroking. and of course, one does not really know these people you type for, you just hope like hell the checks don't bounce.

anyway, she emailed back with such a 'feel good' note i just wanted to stroke myself a li'l bit by showing you what she wrote:

"I love your work, your work ethic, and your dependability, and I would love to send more work to you. I have one person that wants to do “part-time” and maybe I could give you the majority but send some to her also. Like I said, these doctors dictate irregularly and this office uploads irregularly. It doesn’t make for a very good combination ! and it just keeps me crazed (more than normal). Think about it but just let me know because I answered a couple of resumes this morning. I would love to shift more work your way and not interview for a full-time person."

yeh, no doubt, that was simply delicious for my ego.

i am not nutzo!

about two weeks ago, when i got up in the morning to make the coffee, out of the corner of my eye, i saw a small, moving shadow on the floor. it startled me, but i thought maybe i just needed coffee to shake the sleep fuzzies out of my head. a few days later i went into the office and again i saw a small shadow. now, i was spooked.
i thought i was losing my mind and i finally told the malemate about the two incidents. he didn't laugh, but he smirked and i knew he was thinking i was going off the deep end.

i was getting very concerned; wondering if i was hallucinating. and if i was, what the hell had brought it on?

then the day before thanksgiving, i was busy in the kitchen making my pies and DAMMIT! there it was again! i squealed and the malemate came running in asking what the matter was. just as i was going to tell him what - there it went again - a frickin mouse!

the sticky traps came out and were strategically placed - or so i thought - until 20 minutes later i stepped in one. grrrrrrrrrrr okay, now it is game on. that mouse is not getting out of here unless it is attached to one of those sticky traps.

the malemate left to do errands and i went back to the office to do some work. after awhile, i went back to the kitchen and sure enough, there it was, the cutest little ball of fur struggling on the sticky trap.
Noooooooooooo! the malemate is not here to deal with it!
i get on the phone and asked how soon can he get home.
he was on his way.
the malemate is now my most recent hero.
the mouse in the house is no more. end.

the malemate and i spent turkey day in oklahoma this year. first time in 12-13 years that we did not head to iowa. i felt guilty about it. i missed not being with my people but i did have a wonderful time with the OK cousins - as we always do. i even did black friday for the first time in probably 15 years.

the OK! cousin and i got a later start than planned that morning, and i just knew that walmart was going to be empty of all the 5-11 am specials - as we did not get there til about 8am.
we pulled into the half full parking lot, walked in store, and were surprised that there were so few people - and glancing around, clearly wallyworld had puuuuuuuuuulenty of all the sale items! so, i got a couple of the 1tb external hard drives, a samsung lcd tv, a new office chair, and a 320gb portable hard drive - EVERYTHING on the ad that i wanted, was now in my possession.
yeh, black friday was all about me, i didn't shop for anyone else.
was i supposed to?

now ain't that the shitz - or maybe not

i can't remember if i took my daily dose of miralax today. this creates a bit of a problem. ya see, if i did take it and then take another dose, i may not leave the bathroom all day tomorrow - and if i don't take it and did not take it earlier, well then i won't be needing the bathroom for a week.
i'm going to have start doing daily dispenses in weekly containers, just like i do with the other pills.
getting old sux, doncha think?

another paint in the wall

so i took on my 'focal wall' in the living room once again. if you recall, i originally did a bellagio finish on it. it's been 3 years now and with the new furniture, i was ready for a change. unfortunately, after 7 different coats of paint in 3 days, it really does not look that much different from where i started.
it was so much more pr'E in my head. i guess i'll live with this for a year - maybe longer.

before (the faux bellagio):




here i thought i was done - then after 24 hours realized i hated it:





final result (for now anyway):




and of course, i had to, once again, strip the dresser so it would quasi-match the rest of the new furniture.

on to other things.
this has probably been seen by everyone but me ... until recently - but just the same, it's funny stuff:
the text associated said,

"this guy thought he had the world's best tattoo until he went to prison!"




i guess it is actually body paint and not a tattoo - but funny just the same.

more fun than watching a car chase

today when i started watching the balloon chase, it took me back to the days when we lived in california. it was always a hectic start to the day when we woke up and turned on the tv and lo and behold a live car chase.
it was hell trying to get ready for work and yet keep your eyes glued to the tv just in case there was a suicide by cop or car crash/pileup -- wouldn't want to miss that.
needless to say, i sat and watched about 45 minutes of the floating boy-less balloon today, up until it finally landed. the only difference between then and now is that i got to watch it undistracted.

sometimes i have such a drained brain. in the past 3 weeks, i have received at least two emails from the gal i type for that my doctor will be on vacation the week of the oct. 19th. so, this past weekend i managed to get some projects, plans, and work lined up for this week because i'm going to have allllllllllll this time on my hands.
tuesday comes, and she sends me a file to type - 66 patients! huh?
yeh, i have a calendar but clearly, i don't know how to use it.

the weekend starts tomorrow for me and i'm off to the OK! cousins. i generally am very happy about going to stay on the farm for a few days, but this time, i feel apprehension - i can't put my finger on the reason why - just a feeling.
i'll be checking out the pecan (pronounced pEE-caan where i come from) trees while i'm there. i hope they set this year, as last year there was not a one.
i think 20 pounds of unshelled pecans could keep my obsessive pee brain and hands busy next week.

downs and ups

i just learned 2 days ago that a blogging buddy (twila) from several years ago lost her 30-year-old son. he was the father of two. i don't know the cause of death, she didn't say and i didn't ask.
my heart goes out to her.

my dad was scheduled to go to a lock-down facility in another town on the 23th, due the repeated problem of him 'escaping' and the care center in the ittybitty hometown is not fenced and not able to facilitate dementia patients with the wondering and 'get-out-of-here' desires. my brother and his wife were there early that morning to take him to the different facility. dad was adamant that he was not going - that he would kill himself first. he would not let anyone touch him. the cops were called. dad recognized one of them and said to him, 'my chest hurts, i think i need to go to the hospital.' off he went,via ambulance, to the hospital. in the meantime, my brother went to the county seat to plead for the judge to sign the document that would allow dad to be committed.
they found nothing unusual with dad's heart and placed him in the lock-down psyche ward there.
a very unpleasant incompetence hearing was scheduled for thursday, 26th.
the 26th arrived, both my brother and dad were at the courthouse, with their perspective attorneys - all of them dreading going through an incompetence hearing. dad's attorney had drawn up a document (contract-like) that basically said he can go back to the ittybitty hometown nursing home if he agrees to no longer escape, sign himself out, or throw his fits. If he continues with the uncooperative behavior, he agrees to go to the a lock-down facility.
surprisingly, dad signed it! and back to the ittybitty hometown care center he went. it has been 3 whole days since he has been back - so far so good.
no one wants him to leave ittybitty hometown - but everyone, including himself, knows he cannot live on his own any more.

i spent last weekend with Cap'n Max and Shar. i had been promising to get over since april, and each planned trip was replaced with a trip to iowa - so it was a long overdue get-away - and it was grrrrrrrrrreat! (li'l tony-the-tiger lingo)

i hit an estate sale saturday and picked up a 3-piece matching coffee table with 2 end tables. i'm thinking i may actually try to put this house together so that it is presentable. but then, it's just a new coffee table and end tables -- well, new to me anyway. i also picked up a couple of those vintage iron lawn chairs. they were a pile of chipped paint and rust yesterday. today they are shiny black.
i need a local junkin' buddy. i miss living closer to Shar.

Let's just bypass the legal separation

I vote Yay! for this one. Where do I sign and can it be completed in 30 days or less?

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT! (note: this is unverified.)


DIVORCE AGREEMENT

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass, each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security..

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley MacLaine . You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since they so often offend you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete.. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you can answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.

bowling and bawling

not so many weeks after the malemate had talked me into bowling a summer league (which i went into pouting and bitching), one of the staffers there came up to me and asked if i would bowl on her winter league.

now, here i was in a semi-drunken frame of mind and feeling quite cheerful, and agreeable - next thing i realized was i had opened my mouth and the only word that came out was, "okay."

they didn't even give me a chance to renege on it the next day. the malemate went out and had team t-shirts done up.

so, now i'm committed to 36 - yes THIRTY SIX weeks of this crap - every monday night.

"okay" and "yes" just come too damn easy under the influence of alcohol.

the skankass niece

i have 2 brothers. only the older one reproduced. he has 3 living daughters. the 2 older ones are okay. the youngest one is a pure con-skankass and the brother cannot/will not see thru her evil, devious, manipulative ways. he's an A-1 idiot in my eyes these days. the skankass has taken my dad for $5500 and is not done yet.

while dad was in the hospital in his oblivious frame of mind, the skankass went over to his apartment and 'cleaned.' yeh, she cleaned out his freezer which had $800 cash in it AND she managed to find all the copies of her debts to him (the $5500) and promptly disposed of them, never to be seen again.

also, while my dad has been in the hospital/nursing home, his one credit card continued to be used. i called yesterday and cancelled the card and told them that someone has been using it, and yet he has been in the hospital/nursing home since 7/16. the card had been used as recently as 8/10.

yesterday, i found out that the skankass took him out shopping. my dad is in no condition yet to be out and about. he can't even get up by himself yet. i called the bank and 'hotted' his atm card - cuz just sure enough, the skankass would charm this trusting old man out of his pin number. yeh, she's good.

so today, i am trying to get the list of charges on the credit card, cuz clearly i want this skankass stopped - and i'm sure she is the one helping herself.

what i am thrilled about, is that now it's documented that dad is not 'all there' mentally, and there is no way he could've been charging at the local market while he was in the hospital. i know my brother is trying to head me away from all this and repeatedly has thrown the fact that 'HE HAS POWER OF ATTORNEY' in my face. he can do what he wants, and i will continue to do what i can to protect my dad. if only i can prove that the skankass used his credit card without his knowledge, then i'm going to see if i can get some help from the area agency on the aging - for elderly financial abuse.

i want to see that skankass go to jail. she has screwed so many people over the years - when does the karma catch up with her?
i'm going to be real disappointed if it was not the skankass using the card - but the truth will be a good thing - whatever it may be.

what does a real vacation feel like?

the malemate and i used to go on vacations twice a year - real vacations, not relative vacations - you know, the ones where you go to stay with relatives. of course, going to alaska to see my cousin is not considered a relative vacation cuz afterall, she is my lifelong best friend. the malemate and i have not vacationed together since going to south carolina in 2004.
i'm due.

around 6 p.m. monday, i finally arrived back home after an 8.5 hour drive. dad is in the nursing home once again. i am not sure that is where he will stay, and i am quite sure he is going to be a difficult 'guest'.
as of tonight, on the phone, he was confused again. when i was there, he was really quite good after they got him back to the nursing home.
he ended up being in the hospital for 16 days for a prostate issue. he received a total of 6 pints of blood during that time. the last 2 pints were given the the last 2 days he was there. they managed to get his blood up to 10, which is good enough to discharge one from the hospital, and sent him out the door.
i still wonder where that last 2 pints of blood went.

on a fun note, one of the grandson's has been selected to be in an upcoming toyota commercial. he's actually the extremely ornery one.

this morning i opened the email to catch up on the past 3/4 of a week's mail, and there was an email from macy gray's facebook; she had added me as a friend. interesting, eh? especially, since i'm not even on the malemate's daughter's 'friend's list'.
yeh, i added her.

are you sure it's the dts?

yesterday morning i got a call from one of the staffers at the nursing home - dad was taken back to the hospital via ambulance. he talked all night long and was hallucinating something terrible. i talked to the doctor and she said she believes it is alcohol withdrawal - the 'd' of the dts. i questioned that it had been 7 days since he went into surgery - i thought the dts started within 48-72 hours. she said it can take longer. i asked where are the tremors of the dts if indeed it is alcohol withdrawal. no answer.

i talked with a niece and she described some of the things he was doing the night before when she visited him. it reminded me very much of the time when mom had the blood clot on her brain in 1970. several of the family members are not convinced that this is an alcohol issue. the people that check in on him do not believe he was drinking that much a month prior to his surgery.

i think i'll be making the 8-hour drive up there, by myself, on saturday. i know there is nothing i can do to help him - but at least if he comes out of it, he'll have a familiar face there.

forgive me dad

last thursday my dad went in for surgery - cystoscopy and transurethral resection of the prostate (TURP) under anesthesia. when i talked to him after the surgery, he seemed a little confused the first day - but not too bad. the second day after surgery he was babbling nonstop - and bleeding. they had given him 4 pints of blood by now and the nurses could not tell me why he was babbling nonstop but they did tell me that he will sit there and have conversations and no one is in the room with him. the third day they decided they needed to go back in to see if they could stop the bleeding. they evacuated a very large clot and cauterized bleeders - again under anesthesia.

the fourth day i talked to yet another nurse - a guy named steve, who is from my ittybitty hometown and knows my dad. i asked him about this terrible confusion and babbling - as i had done with the previous nurses AND who could not give me an acceptable answer. steve told me that he has seen this quite often with older people that have had anesthesia and that sometimes they come out of it and sometimes they don't. god bless steve for telling me this because i had no idea why this had come upon dad soooo fast - virtually overnight! i had no clue that anesthesia could have that type of short term? long term? effect on some older people.

the docs stopped the bleeding and he is peeing clear now so it's time to discharge him - even though he is in a totally confused state of mind. the hospital social worker calls yesterday and tells me that he simply cannot be alone. well, that's another problem because he lives alone and eight hours from me.

the decision had to be made about a nursing home. my brother, who supposedly has 'power of attorney' is somewhere in the southern part of the state on vacation. i finally got a hold of him and explained the choices - as the hospital will be discharging dad before the brother is home from vaca.

even though the hometown nursing home is going to cost more per day, we thought it would be better to have him there where people would come visit him. i have no idea what his finances are and i do not know how this is going to be handled financially. i arranged with the director for them to pick dad up and bring him there upon his discharge.

a couple weeks prior to this, the family took his car keys and car away. a couple weeks before that he moved into a 6-plex apartment, after being in the house for 20-25 years. a couple weeks before that the doc gave him an alzheimer's test - he scored 19/26. the doc put him on aricept. this has been a very fast downward spiral for him.

i know he does not want to be in a care center. i know he cannot come down here - he's 85 and has been in the hometown his entire adult life. i know he's going to hate us if he does recover from the effects of the anesthesia and realizes his money is gone and he's in a nursing home.

please, god forgive me - and god, please be kind to him, he's my dad.

watching the clock

i'm sitting here trying very hard to get some work out that needs to get done.
i cannot focus.
it seems every second i am checking the time.
my mind and my heart are elsewhere.

in 17 minutes peggy will be at the viewing of her son.

it crushes me as i think about peggy seeing her only child lying in the casket ...
he, being completely at peace - she, being completely shattered.

NO ugly cookies

NOTE: guess i forgot to post this one for some reason

for the 4th of july party i decided to make cutout cookies in the shape of stars. i thought cookies won't melt in the sun and everybody likes a cutout cookie.
very appropriate don't you think?

i mixed them up, chilled them, rolled them, cut them out, baked them, and then i made the frosting.
it was a new frosting recipe and it actually was an excellent one.
but after i got the frosting on and started in with the sprinkles, i could see that they just were not going to be pr'E no matter what i did. and of course, i made a double batch - so then i had about 60-70 uglyUglyUGLY cutout cookies - and no time to try to make something else to take.

the ugly cookies were going with me to OK.

i made mention of the ugly cookies on the facebook page - where the OK! cousin can see.

i tell ya, those OK! cousins are some real shits!

when we pulled into their driveway they had these signs posted in the doorway - check out the 'examples' of what is 'excellent' and what is NOT ALLOWED.




and my reaction:

and the second one

I was on the phone with my lifelong friend and cousin, Peg, yesterday. We were rehashing the week - she talking about concerns of two of grandkids there in Alaska and the shape her ex-daughter-in-law and son are in. Both are alcoholics - and recently had started hooking up again with each other. She's telling of the struggle she is having with all this and in mid-sentence she says, "who is that pulling in my driveway?" She pauses, and then says it's the ex-daughter-in-law." Then I hear her say, "something is wrong. Oh God I hope it's not my son."

Five to ten minutes later she calls back with the devastating news, "Todd passed away."

Todd was her only child - he was 35 years old.

So, there she is over half a country away and dealing with the death of her son. I asked her if she wanted me to come out. She said she wanted to sleep on it.

Her mother and a half-sister will not be going out until the 21st. Peg has a strong al-anon family there - thank GOD she became involved in that over 2 years ago. She also has a significant other that she recently started seeing. He has been away for about 3 weeks - but said he would be making arrangements to fly back in while she is coping.

I am in the midst of making another memorial DVD slideshow of someone I know. I hoped I would not have to do that for quite some time because when it's someone you know and love, it completely drains you emotionally.

Since music is not my thing, megaTHANKS to Jockfulloftunes, who is going to help with the music selection. The family will be scanning and sending the photos ASAP - and hopefully, I can have this put together and sent out to her by the 22nd.

I am so sorry for Peg. Todd was a troubled soul, but he was always a treat to be around- there was never a dull moment.
His heart was full of love - but his dreams could not get past the liquor.

With much love ~

Todd Christopher W.
12-29-1973 ~ 07-12-2009

the toshiba dildos

I've got vista on one of my machines.
i hate it.
i had to call for support last week (to some God-forsaken foreign country) cuz i couldn't get the 'restore' option to open.
the 'tech' told me "i can help you with this. i will get your machine back to where it was when you purchased it."
umm and will you also come over here and spend all the hours re-installing the software?
dildo!
i figured it out - i had to start it in 'safe mode' and then do the restore.
i'm going to see if i can get a job on their help desk.

the 4th here and gone

we were in Oklahoma this past weekend. another couple went with us over to the OK! cousins.
sometimes people mix well, and sometimes not so much. i'm trying to make this work - but the truth is, the other gal and i just don't have much in common. and the more she tells about how her financial relationship is between her and her man, the more i'm losing all respect for both of them.

of course it's NONE OF MY BUSINESS! but she keeps telling me - why do you suppose that is? i have asked her why she puts up with that crap and all she says is, "it's better than being alone."

i guess we all have our price that we will pay to avoid being alone, eh?

ok, so i cracked a beer kinda early that day and ended up being a passenger rather than one of the drivers on the ATV - thank GOD i remembered the salt shaker so i could continue drinking&riding.





Below is a dilapidated tribal graveyard - each of the roofs are from these little 'houses' they build over the graves. inside they place some of the deceased's favorite things - usually articles of clothing and such. it's quite interesting to see. this particular graveyard does not get much maintenance - as you can see. the other one we went to was for indians of foreign wars - that seemed to be kept up a bit better - there was even one of the 'houses' with a red tin roof.








i caught the hen and her chick in the hen house settling down for the night. we were surprised to see that the chick could get up to the top rung of the roost. the chick stayed safely tucked under the hen's wing - the flash of the camera did not seem to startle them in the least.




check out the bench seat 'molded' between the trees. this is on the farm where the party was on the 4th. part of the land used to house arock quarry. on the backside of this is this oldOldOLD shambled rock building. one of the "farmer's daughters" told me she thinks that is where the owners of the rock quarry lived - unfortunately, my camera would not get any decent photos of it in the dark - and i was not going to chance crawling under the electric fence to get closer - and going over the electric fence - well that is just dumb



some of the OK friends killing worms and minnows.

gone with the curtain?

once a week i try to make a stop at the local thrift store. the last time i was there they had 4 silk curtain panels, each one about 48" x 84". they were a $1 each. hey! $4 for all that 100% silk fabric - it's definitely going home with me.

i washed them up - even though it says 'dry clean only'. needless to say, they didn't wash up so nice - well not nice enough to hang anymore. what to do with them now?

on a side note, when i get out of the shower/tub, i really hate to dry off - i'm lazy and prefer to just throw a 'thirsty' towel or robe around and wait it out.

well, in this unforgiving heat we've been having, a terry robe or heavy towel is just a bit much. so, i decided to make myself a pareo. I tore out the cotton lining from one of the silk curtain panels and finished up the edges on the sewing machine. it is so much lighter weight than terry cloth and serves me quite well. it's just an oblong piece of fabric tied in knots - not much creativity in that.

scarlett o'hara i ain't.

the next ordeal

my dad is 85. he lives alone. he has a body that is broken - back, hips, and knees, incontinent, and according to the doctor, now somewhat mentally.

we were there this past weekend and it was clear that he is even more broken than when i saw him in november. it breaks my heart to watch this 6'3" man struggle just to get up out of a chair.
when i talked to the doctor's office, they told me he scored 19/26 on the preliminary Alzheimer's test. He's now on Aricept.

his blossomed obsessive personality drives us all nuts. he buys stuff that is useless (he says it's for us???) - little does he understand (or chooses not to understand) that we don't want it.

this past weekend he tells me he wants to sell everything and move to the 6-plex which is 'semi'-assisted living. we look at that place plus another one. he really liked the first one.

i am thrilled, to say the least. it's simply not safe for him to live alone any longer and i'm 8 hours away - my one brother lives 1.5 blocks from him, but they do not have a very good relationship.

tuesday night, the malemate is off bowling and i've just poored myself a cocktail and starting to shut down for the day -- the phone rings.
it's my older brother. i answer and he goes off on me about 'stirring up shit and then leaving...like i always do'
huh?

i'm sure it appeared that way to him. so, i proceeded to tell him that it was NOT MY SUGGESTION OR DECISION - that dad had told me he wanted to do this - we simply went and scouted out a couple places with him.

apparently, dad listed the house and set an auction date with the local real estate broker/auctioneer (yeah, how convenient is that combination?) for a date in july. a date that simply does not work for my brother -- and a date which my brother specifically told dad not to go for. it's like dad is doing everything he possibly can to alienate himself from those that just want to help.

this is going to be my longest summer ever.

the road to mend

tomorrow we leave.
it will be the hardest trip the malemate will ever take.
the first thing after landing, we will go to the coroner's office, from there to the crematory, from there to the place where mike lived and died.
i don't know how the malemate will react to such a morbid start to the short trip.
i know i'm glad i'm going with him so he won't be alone.

this past weekend i needed help with the music for the slideshow dvd that i did of mike. the stepdaughter is in the music business and i thought maybe she would lend a hand - since it is for her half-brother. so after 10? 12? years of basically no communication, i emailed her and asked for her help with the song selection.

she sent back 6 songs - 2 in which she is the vocalist. to say i was thrilled is an understatement. it was a loving gesture and i used both of them.

but not only did she send music, she sent a very heartfelt note. she opened the option to crossover our differences.

it goes something like this:
without either of us having to apologize for past vicious words, she is willing to go forward from this point on. i have to give it to her - that had to have been hard for her, because just 2 years ago, she made it perfectly clear to her dad that she did not want me at her wedding. her wish was granted - the malemate went to her wedding alone.

i see this arrangement as very doable. and for the malemate's sake, i welcome the opportunity.

however, i do not see much changing other than when she calls and if i answer, i may ask how she and her family are doing.

i may even sign the birthday cards now too.

and if the malemate dies before me, i'll call her and let her know.

life - unlife

on may 23 we got a somewhat frantic call from the stepson's ex-girlfriend. the malemate's son (who lives in california) had not picked up his son that morning and had not called. the ex-girlfriend had also called the malemate's ex-wife who lives in texas. the ex-wife called the police in san bernardino california - as this action of the son was out of character.

about 20 minutes later we get another call from the stepson's ex-girlfriend. she drops the bomb that the stepson is dead. he was 30 years old. until the autopsy results come back with confirmation, the coroner thinks it was either sleep apnea or a heart attack. the stepson was morbidly obese.

the stepson had such a defeating financial uphill battle in front of him. he was looking forward to getting back into trucking cross country so that MAYBE he could get himself out of this deep hole that he had dug for himself.

the stepson and i had our ups and downs over the years - but the communication over the past few years had gone much better. i'm just glad i had the chance to tell him thanks for the granddaughter - as she is someone special.

i'm so sad for the malemate as it simply is not natural for the child to die first. he has his bursts, but he has been great with orchestrating the things that must be dealt with to put his son's remains in the proper places - from half a country away - along with the ex-wife, who is also holding up as well as can be expected.

initially, i was not going to go with the malemate to CA - as i did not get the feeling he really wanted me there. keeping in mind that i do not get along well with his daughter, his ex-wife and i have very little, if no respect for the son's ex-girlfriend (who is also the mother of one of the stepson's kids). but let's face it, death trumps my distaste for those women.

so as of wednesday night, i will be going with the malemate to CA. my main reason for going is that i did not want him to be alone when he picked up his son's remains. it will be devastating for him when he realizes that will be the last time he will carry his son in his arms.

thank you mike for the two beautiful babies you gave the world.

rest in peace

mike b. 02-28-1979 - 05-23-2009

the new tank - maybe not

i bought myself a new notebook - yep, another toshiba tank. the problem is, it has vista on it. i really don't want to educate myself on vista. needless to say, i have been dragging my feet on setting it up. however, i really need to get it done if i'm going to keep it because we are heading to the hometown the first weekend in june and i NEED to take a laptop along. the old one still works - it just seems kinda slow and it needs a new battery. i would have to buy a new car adapter for the new one also - which isn't that much - i just don't want to buy it, if i can't decide whether i'm going to keep it or not. these seem like such simple problems - which they are - but they are just the type of thing that will consume me.

i just did some research on that model of toshiba - and apparently there's problems with the power adapter. so, i think that answers my dilemma. i'm going to stay with my old one for now and take the new one back. i just don't want to deal with the hassles right now. i'll do it like always do it - when i absolutely have to - when this notebook completely dies on me, at a most inoportune time and i am in a full-blown panic mode.

so, i'm off to ebay to buy a battery for the old one.

sanyo tv is my new monitor

i got up the other morning stressing about how i had to get the previous day's work out. i flipped on the computer and waited.
what? no picture on the screen?
so i turned the machine back off, turned the monitor off (for the first time in months) and then turned it all back on.
still no monitor.

crapCrapCRAP! now I have to take time out of my day to go out and buy another flat panel monitor. aren't those things supposed to last forever? that's what they say about them in the landfill, so what gives? ;-)

the broken monitor had the speakers built in. when i had the machine built, i asked for and paid extra for that specifically so i didn't have to have the extra contraptions sitting on my desk, speakers that is. as it turns out, the built in speakers on that acer monitor sucked, and i eneded up having to buy separate ones anyway.
yeh, learn from me on that one.

so i made the trek to my local wally world to look for a computer monitor. they had monitors, but nothing i liked. in the meantime, the malemate was looking at 52" tvs.

it dawned on me that an lcd hdtv should work as a monitor for my computer AND the speakers are built in.
so, i bought myself a sanyo 19" lcd tv for $184.
now, here's a little bonus. at walmart they have a 15-day return policy on most electronics - including computer monitors, but for tvs it's 90 days. plenty of time to find out if it will work - unlike the 15 day crap.

i brought it home and plugged it in. it came up without any 'tweaking' on my part and voile' i have picture! and the sound? very nice.

i'm so techno-savvy that my brain hurts...
or maybe that's the overdose of scotch last night.

cable cometh

this photo may not mean anything to anyone except for the folks in my 'hood', who have been anxiously awaiting an option for high speed internet.

the photo is of a trench digger broke down in my backyard -- waiting for repair so that they can CONTINUE dropping cable for cable tv and, more importantly, cable HIGH SPEED internet!
yeh, it's broke down, but i'm sure they will be out there digging with their shovels and hands if they can't get it fixed, because they know how badly i want it.

yes, soon i will be surfing the net and downloading from the comfort of my own home at speeds I have not seen in almost three years and without any caps or FAP bullshit.

I see the hughesnet must be noticing the pull away from their piece of shit offerings as they have now widened their 'unlimited download window' from 3 hours a day to 5 hours a day.
too little too late hughesnet.

on a different note, my little city had their annual 'city-wide garage sale' this past weekend and thanks to the OK! cousin, i had someone to go to them with. it was nice to do that once again with someone. i've gotten so used to doing that stuff by myself that i almost left her at one of the sales -- forgetting i had a junkin buddy for the day.
kidding of course :)

i think my best buy was the Bose ear buds for $5 -- and maybe the 5 foot long 'wall art' metal branch for $15. damn! it was a good time and apparently this once-a-year sale doubles the size of the town for a couple days.

oh, and my fruit pizza was such a big hit with the OK! cousins that it was gone in 2 days and i had to make another one -- which also was gone in two days. good stuff i tell ya.

the dullDullDULL life

the re-install of the spyware is done. it went well and i had about a month's worth of stuff to review. in case you are wondering, it's all good.
yeh, surprises me too. maybe he really does want to make something of this relationship. of course he has been checking single ticket, one-way airfare to california. interesting.

i found a new toy on the net the other day -- new to me. it's called digsby. it's a multi-protocol messaging application. i have used trillian and pidgin -- but this digsby, hands down is my new favorite. if you are opening bunches of chat applications cuz you have people on all different ones, try the digsby - it even includes facebook.

the new work has been going pretty well and steady.
damn, i hate to post that. it seems every time i do, it gets yanked out from under me. i chat with the other gal from the now defunct gastro account almost on a daily basis and she really thinks this new work is going down. she said it again yesterday -- i hope her comment is cuz she doesn't like the new gal and not intuition.
of course, i haven't seen a check yet either and it's been a month and a half.
suddenly, i'm bummed.

post SA

i'm feeling pretty OK after being fired from the volunteer work at the SA and being dumped by her. i missed not going there yesterday. i missed the laughing and and playing in the kitchen - but i'm actually okay with it. i have looked back on what i now realize was a 'quasi-friendship', or more commonly called acquaintance and see that it probably wasn't me at all. she has lived in these parts her entire 44 years and never talked about getting together with any life-long friends and doing things. i find that very odd when i think back on it. i still connect with my friends from junior high when i go back home and even chat with some them online occasionally. so, i've come to the conclusion that it's her. she sucks as a friend, hence that is why she does not have any. her loss, cuz i may not be good at a lot of things, but i'm pretty good at being a friend.

now, about the malemate. i bought myself a new computer a few weeks back. i have not installed the spyware on it yet. i'm still debating it. the malemate has not been on his machine much for the past few months. maybe he realized i was serious the last time we had the chat about his shenanigans.

who am i kidding, of course i'm going to install it on here. in fact, i'm going to email the company right now and see how i can move settings and logs from the old drive to this one. gotta go - i've got work to do.

textual dumping

I have been volunteering for the past two and half years on Sunday mornings at SA. Through there I met Leslie. She was so much fun to work with and I thought we were friends. Apparently not as I received a text from her the other day that said: "i dont want to talk ... i need some space. it would be a good idea if u didn't volunteer right now. please dont call or come by"

huh?

I had just talked to her on the phone the night before and she filled me in on some very troublesome things that are going in her life -- but, she seemed okay with me. Needless to say, this came out of nowhere for me and sent me into a little mental tailspin.

So, after living here for going on three years now, I'm ready to leave. Clearly I'm not meeting any people and clearly I'm not going to make an effort to do so.

So, after doing some serious thinking about things and realizing how unbelievably lonely I really am, I think it's time to move back to the hometown. I hate the cold winters and the sweltering summers -- but it would be good to be around famdamily and at the very least have something to bitch about.

If only the malemate had not fucked up our lives, I would not feel like I have lost almost three years of my life. Will this anger and disgust ever go away?
What's done is done - I really need to let it go and move on.
I wish I knew how to do that.

the neighbor has it right

my neighbor is showing his heartfelt disappointment regarding the inauguration.

i feel his pain.

the power of enthusiasm

the gastro account ended last wednesday. wednesday afternoon I got a call from a shari in texas who said I submitted a resume to someone in oregon and that person forwarded it to her.
refresher reminder: there are no secrets on the internet
it's obvious from shari's voice that she is both overwhelmed with work AND very excited about her new account -- which i might add, she single-handedly brought back into the USA from a company in india AND the head doctor of this facility is indian -- turban and all!

this is absolutely hugeHugeHUGE! and megaKUDOS to her for doing so.

for those who don't know much about the medical transcription industry -- this india issue is a real problem here in the good ol' USA. the medical records (which often times include SSN and date of birth) are electronically shipped to india to be typed for 2c-4c/line, which is a good deal for the doctors -- however, it sucks for those of us in the industry for obvious reasons and it sucks for the USA consumers because of the privacy issue. The privacy law (HIPAA) is a USA law only, hence if you ever worry or wonder about identity theft - don't forget to consider your doctor's office/medical records and where they are sending your information to be transcribed.

i was very upset about what she offers for money, but pacified a bit because of the gross line counts. she just sounds so desperate for help and she sounds like a very wonderful person and she has soooooo much enthusiasm in her voice that i couldn't turn her down.

umm, that and the fact that, out of all of the resumes i've put out there, she is the only one that has responded.

i'm back to typing ortho for much less money than before AND i'm really excited about it!

i'm a pushover.

reclaiming/recycling is kitsch

i've been collecting 100% wool sweaters and felting them in the washing machine.

i now have quite a grouping of these and went surfing on the net to find some inspiration of just what to do with these.

after looking through hundreds of sites and even more photos, there is no question in my mind - this 'going green fad' with reclaimed/recycled fibers has much to be desired in terms of style and taste.

sadly, everything i saw made from these sweaters is simply kitsch.

well, except for maybe the felted coffee cozy or maybe the felted slippers .

i think i'll keep looking

internet/media WTF?

this cell phone issue has been quite the educating experience for this ol' gal.

i had been checking online after i suspended the service on 1/1 to see if there were any calls being made.
nothing.
tonight i decided to check it again - even though i've reactivated the service - i thought maybe these old eyes may have missed something.

well, sure as shit they had.
i scrolled down the page further to the text and internet/media section.
after all, i had to check out the texting portion of the bill because i sent my very first text message at 11:23 12/31/08. my niece had sent a happy new year message and i saw the 'reply' option. so, being the good aunt that i am not, i thought, what the hell, surely it can't be as addicting as IRC chat was in the early 1990's, as the texting is far too much work.
so, i replied with the typical aunty response of "happy NY 2 u 2 - b safe luvya"

and then i noticed this really RED bar on the internet/media section - to a wap.cellular.
there had been 8mb of data sent from 2:30 a.m. to 4:30 a.m.
i had no idea what wap.cellular or internet/media was and I sure didn't have the phone in my possession at that time.
i called at&t and told the gal that i don't even know who/what wap.cellular is and what is all the internet/media data usage about?
she stated, "there was $82.03 of data sent over the internet."

me: "huh, and to think all i did was reply to a text message at 11:23 pm 12/31/08."

the good news is, she took it off my bill as it had nothing to do with my text reply.
the other good news is, i didn't lose the phone - it was stolen.
i have been vindicated.

oh, and i really do like that texting thing. i'm pretty sure i'll be turning up that service on my phone.
so, for all you that I have cell numbers for --
chk ur msgs cuz i b txtng u

think pink

fact: the malemate really does not like the color pink - apparently it threatens his masculinity.

fact: we have one cell phone that we both use when needed.

fact: the cell phone dilemma came to an end yesterday around high noon. i found a cheap used one on craigslist.

fact: the replacement phone is PINK!!!

some days it's the little zings that give a spark of pleasure.

the frugal shopper:
here's a piece of information that other at&t wireless folks may find of interest and could save you a couple bucks. Sim cards generally need to be replaced in used phones and they cost about $25.

if you need to replace a lost/stolen at&t cell phone, you can just buy one of the cheap GO Phones ($15). Then call the at&t wireless support and have them reassign the sim card to your account (a sim card comes with the GO Phone - but do not tell them it is from a GO Phone). You do not need to buy any minutes for the GO Phone to work with an activated sim and an active at&t account. The GO Phone can be used to finish out your contract. However, just between you and me, I wanted the pink phone for reasons of spitefulness - so I also bought the GO Phone and pulled the sim out of it and put it in the used pink phone.

you can hear me now.

wireless withdrawals

i cannot believe how the loss of the cell phone has driven me into depression. it seems to be so ridiculous ... just buy another one and get on with life.

buy another phone - right.

have ya looked at the choices on ebay?
i have been scouring ebay and craigslist and researching on the net for the past 3 days and still cannot make a decision.

obsession is a problem.

i'm getting headache.

you can't hear me now

i lost the new cell phone at the NYE gathering. i'm having cell phone withdrawals. not that i use it the often - it's a security thing.
it's like having the car in the garage for days and never driving it -- but once it's gone, so is the security.
having one's possessions within one's control.
hmm, maybe it's a control thing and not a security thing at all.

either way, it has sure made the start to the new year mighty shitty and pouty and the search is on for a cheap at&t cell phone. freecycle here i come.

and then we were without running water for 18 plus hours over the past day. that's another thing that sent me to the xanax bottle.
the contractors that build houses these days really have their heads up their asses, doncha think?
we got a new, bigger hot water heater, however, after getting it all set up, the glue had to set for about 18 hours. hence, no water because the contractor did not install a shut-off valve to the hot water heater. so the water was shut off at the main inlet.
the good news, it's installed, filled,turned on and putting out hot water.

that jacuzzi is gonna feel good tonite.