yo momma didn't tell you?
I have heard people say 'things that my mother told me', and I'm sure somewhere buried in the bowels of my mind, I have run across one or two things that my mom told me. But, the one thing she never talked to me about is menopause.
A couple critical things I wish she would have mentioned:
1. For some females (such as those from her bloodline), hot flashes will last a lifetime.
2. A female should never eat after the age of 40 because one ounce food in the mouth equals one pound of fat on the thighs and you know how much volume fat has.
3. A female will never get a good night's sleep once the perimenopausal stage begins.
Something that really tweaks me is that the malemate went through manopause whilst we were living in California. He had the night sweats baaaaaaaaad for about four years. I don't think he's had a night sweat since then. I started having them around 1999, and although I don't have them every night, I STILL get them and that includes ... while I am on hormones!
grrrrrrrrrr snap bite blood
I really don't give a shit about the scare of cancer and hormones, because I'm pretty sure I'd be homicidal without them -- so which is it gonna be? Me with a 50% chance of not getting cancer or others that would have 0% chance of survival with me off them? hmmm?
Yeh, it's been some serious sleepless nights the past week and the wicked witch of the Midwest is back.
I think I need a double dose...
and just to be on the 'happy side', I best wash 'em down with double shot of likker.
A couple critical things I wish she would have mentioned:
1. For some females (such as those from her bloodline), hot flashes will last a lifetime.
2. A female should never eat after the age of 40 because one ounce food in the mouth equals one pound of fat on the thighs and you know how much volume fat has.
3. A female will never get a good night's sleep once the perimenopausal stage begins.
Something that really tweaks me is that the malemate went through manopause whilst we were living in California. He had the night sweats baaaaaaaaad for about four years. I don't think he's had a night sweat since then. I started having them around 1999, and although I don't have them every night, I STILL get them and that includes ... while I am on hormones!
grrrrrrrrrr snap bite blood
I really don't give a shit about the scare of cancer and hormones, because I'm pretty sure I'd be homicidal without them -- so which is it gonna be? Me with a 50% chance of not getting cancer or others that would have 0% chance of survival with me off them? hmmm?
Yeh, it's been some serious sleepless nights the past week and the wicked witch of the Midwest is back.
I think I need a double dose...
and just to be on the 'happy side', I best wash 'em down with double shot of likker.
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2 comments:
The other half had a hysterectomy while still in her 20s, so she never had to go menopause. That's HER story, anyway. However, she still seems hormonal to me.
I, on the other hand, have been HOT to the point of fainting for the last few months. I ask: is it hot it here or is it just me? Apparently, it's just me.
I sure could use some likker, though. and a swooning couch.
uh, what I meant to say was: you have my sympathy.
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