reaching back

It's almost Christmas and even though I don't 'do' Christmas anymore - I do still believe in presents ... the to me from me kind. Except this year I haven't really seen anything that really excites me -- well except for my new Lapinator -- which I really am happy with.

I did buy something else though that the OK! cousin introduced me to. She had purchased a bunch of the Dead Sea salt and mineral items and we did a makeover the last time I was there. I fell in love with the Swisa Dead Sea salt 'peel'. So, I went out onto eBay and won myself some -- at 1/5 the price she paid -- yikes for her.

The malemate turns 60 on Dec. 27th. He is into the party and 'give me all the attention' thing. He is married to the wrong person for that -- cuz a party-planner Martha Stewart, I am not. I probably could have just left that last sentence at simply 'he married the wrong person' :)
Regardless ...
I bought him a Chicago Bears bowling ball (he has been a Bears fan for over 50 years) and the OK! cousins are coming up for the weekend. They will arrive on Friday and will depart on the 2nd.
That's about all the party I am giving him -- anything more, he'll have to get on his own.
I so wished I felt like I used to feel about him.
Maybe in 2008.

hotmail f_k_d!

I cannot believe how badly Microsoft, with all it's money and collective wisdom, could FUCK a perfectly fine working email (hotmail) so badly. They have fucked it up so badly with this LIVE bullshit, that I think I am going to have to change my primary email address ... AGAIN.

Yeah, it's a pretty ugly start to the day.

recall from the 70's

I was listening to our dear JockfullofPodcast and for some reason I started to recall my first Mr.
Yes that would be the first man that made me a Mrs.
I so loved this man. But, he was 11 years my senior and had 'seen the world' -- well, enough so that he was ready to plant it all back in Iowa.
Me? well, not so much.
He was done sampling what was outside of his safe zone.
He had served 2 tours of Viet Nam as a Marine during the bowels of the 60's.
Obviously, I could not, or did not relate to this.

Have you ever loved a soldier? Have you ever loved a Marine?
Have you ever been loved by a Marine?
He had the ability to give all of himself, and did so. If only I had been 'adult' enough to know and appreciate that quality.
Ah, the regrets of life. We all have them.

Intereresting thing about my first Mr. ...
I had not had much sex prior to meeting him. Anything beyond missionary sex was a new experience. Oral sex was unfamiliar territory for my mouth. But, my friends had told me about it and instructed me -- savor an ice cream cone, they said.

One night the #1 Mr. and I were getting reacquainted for the day -- and I thought I would try the cone on him.

Oh my God! you would have thought I was going to circumcise him with my teeth!

The #1 Mr. had a very hard time using the word no with me - but he pulled my face up toward his face and said, "NO, no more."

We finished with the intercourse and later I asked him why he stopped me. He said there were whores in Nam that would place razor blades in their mouths and give head and he could not remove that thought from his mind.

My dear #1 Mr. had many things that he could not stop his mind from associating to his life during the Viet Nam conflict. I was too young and ignorant to understand the depth of traumatic stress syndrome. He died at the young age of 39.

ice ages and kotex

I took a trip to the OK! cousins this past weekend. It was a late Thanksgiving celebration and was supposed to be my first sampling of deep fried turkey.
The turkey thing did not evolve because the turkey cooker had a hole in it and the oil was leaking. Luckily, the cousin had a smaller backup -- which did not accommodate the turkey, but did accommodate a chicken.
So, deep fried chicken it was.
Simply not the same as broasted.

I have been hit with ANOTHER fucking ice storm! The second one in the same year. However, Oklahoma has it much worse this time than here in Missouri. When I left the OK! cousin's house this morning they had no electricity -- which means they also had no heat and no water. I called them about 15 minutes ago, they still had no power. I invited them over, but they can't let the fireplace go cold for fear of the pipes freezing.
Sucks to be them.

I stopped at an Asian market in Tulsa - but they had no eundan. The clerk did not know where I could get it. On the up side, I still have not smoked. I even stopped at the Cherokee casino and gambled for a bit and did not smoke.
Yay me.
I missed it terribly at that point.

If you are as old as me or older, you will absolutely see the humor in this.

Classic Kotex

where o where is the eundan?

Tonight, around 7, it will be 7 days since I sucked some nicotine into my lungs.
I miss it.
I need a replacement.
I need eundan.

I used to get this stuff called eundan when I lived out in CA. I would get it from this quick mart that was owned by Koreans.
It reminds me of sen-sen. Okay, you have to pretty old to remember sen-sen. Eundan is tiny licorice mint balls.
I really want to find this again, but am not having much luck. I am sure there must be Korean markets around here - but where?
I thought one could buy anything online. Guess not.

I need an eundan fix. I need to find a source.
Can you help?

bitch on a keyboard

I have not smoked since about 7pm on November 30. So yes, I am in a bit of a snit these days. The bottom line is, if I really intend to get some lipo done - I am quite sure I cannot be a smoker. The good news is, now that I am eating everything in sight I can get it all lipo'd off when the time comes. There are pluses (or would that be plus sizes?) to everything.
Something to bitch about.

I won a bid on a Lapinator Plus. I wish I would've had one for the trip back to Iowa over Thanksgiving -- instead I had my makeshift board that is so heavy it would like to break my wrist just picking it up. And now, we are taking off this weekend for the OK! cousin's and I am pretty sure I placed the bid too late for it to get here before Friday.
Another thing for me to bitch about.

The work issue was all in my panicky pinhead. All is fine on that front except LLS said she would not have anything for me on Friday and would I like to work on Monday (yesterday). "Sure", says I. So, I wait around the house all day, checking in on the ftp throughout the day -- nothing gets uploaded to me. I could've been out gambling - but no, instead I hung around here waiting on work that never materialized.
The third item for me to bitch about.

My sleep habits are so fucked up. I often go to sleep at 9-9:30 and wide awake at 2am. I am not one to lie in bed and hope to fall back to sleep - as history has shown that that does not work for me, I just get achy and bitchy (bitchier). I am not sure what to do about this. I have tried alcohol, sleep aids, reading, tea, xanax, self hypnosis - nothing has straightened this out. I would think that now that I am post menopausal this would have resolved.
The fourth thing for me to bitch about.

Something that has been on my mind lately. I take xanax - it's no secret. I have taken it off and on since the early 80's when I had a panic attack during the Christmas holiday. Yeh, I think I have hated the pressure of the "holiday season" since way back then. Needless to say, I don't "do" the Christmas thing anymore.
Anyway, back to the gist of this. I have come upon people in my life that have been in that panic state and at which time I have offered them some xanax. Now, I know it is a narcotic and highly addictive -- IF IT IS ABUSED. Some of these people that I have given this to have their own medical insurance - so after they have tried them and found that they worked for them, why the hell don't they go to their doctor and get their own script? I have had 3 different people tell me they want to buy my script.
WHAT? Go to your own doctor and get your own script! I am not a drug dealer!

Not too long ago I made a comment to one of them, "if it weren't for the xanax I would not have any friends at all."
I'm starting to think that is truer than I care to admit.
And that, my textual voyeurs, is my last bitch of the day.
Be well and save the bitching for your blog. :)