the dullDullDULL life

the re-install of the spyware is done. it went well and i had about a month's worth of stuff to review. in case you are wondering, it's all good.
yeh, surprises me too. maybe he really does want to make something of this relationship. of course he has been checking single ticket, one-way airfare to california. interesting.

i found a new toy on the net the other day -- new to me. it's called digsby. it's a multi-protocol messaging application. i have used trillian and pidgin -- but this digsby, hands down is my new favorite. if you are opening bunches of chat applications cuz you have people on all different ones, try the digsby - it even includes facebook.

the new work has been going pretty well and steady.
damn, i hate to post that. it seems every time i do, it gets yanked out from under me. i chat with the other gal from the now defunct gastro account almost on a daily basis and she really thinks this new work is going down. she said it again yesterday -- i hope her comment is cuz she doesn't like the new gal and not intuition.
of course, i haven't seen a check yet either and it's been a month and a half.
suddenly, i'm bummed.

post SA

i'm feeling pretty OK after being fired from the volunteer work at the SA and being dumped by her. i missed not going there yesterday. i missed the laughing and and playing in the kitchen - but i'm actually okay with it. i have looked back on what i now realize was a 'quasi-friendship', or more commonly called acquaintance and see that it probably wasn't me at all. she has lived in these parts her entire 44 years and never talked about getting together with any life-long friends and doing things. i find that very odd when i think back on it. i still connect with my friends from junior high when i go back home and even chat with some them online occasionally. so, i've come to the conclusion that it's her. she sucks as a friend, hence that is why she does not have any. her loss, cuz i may not be good at a lot of things, but i'm pretty good at being a friend.

now, about the malemate. i bought myself a new computer a few weeks back. i have not installed the spyware on it yet. i'm still debating it. the malemate has not been on his machine much for the past few months. maybe he realized i was serious the last time we had the chat about his shenanigans.

who am i kidding, of course i'm going to install it on here. in fact, i'm going to email the company right now and see how i can move settings and logs from the old drive to this one. gotta go - i've got work to do.

textual dumping

I have been volunteering for the past two and half years on Sunday mornings at SA. Through there I met Leslie. She was so much fun to work with and I thought we were friends. Apparently not as I received a text from her the other day that said: "i dont want to talk ... i need some space. it would be a good idea if u didn't volunteer right now. please dont call or come by"

huh?

I had just talked to her on the phone the night before and she filled me in on some very troublesome things that are going in her life -- but, she seemed okay with me. Needless to say, this came out of nowhere for me and sent me into a little mental tailspin.

So, after living here for going on three years now, I'm ready to leave. Clearly I'm not meeting any people and clearly I'm not going to make an effort to do so.

So, after doing some serious thinking about things and realizing how unbelievably lonely I really am, I think it's time to move back to the hometown. I hate the cold winters and the sweltering summers -- but it would be good to be around famdamily and at the very least have something to bitch about.

If only the malemate had not fucked up our lives, I would not feel like I have lost almost three years of my life. Will this anger and disgust ever go away?
What's done is done - I really need to let it go and move on.
I wish I knew how to do that.