the next ordeal

my dad is 85. he lives alone. he has a body that is broken - back, hips, and knees, incontinent, and according to the doctor, now somewhat mentally.

we were there this past weekend and it was clear that he is even more broken than when i saw him in november. it breaks my heart to watch this 6'3" man struggle just to get up out of a chair.
when i talked to the doctor's office, they told me he scored 19/26 on the preliminary Alzheimer's test. He's now on Aricept.

his blossomed obsessive personality drives us all nuts. he buys stuff that is useless (he says it's for us???) - little does he understand (or chooses not to understand) that we don't want it.

this past weekend he tells me he wants to sell everything and move to the 6-plex which is 'semi'-assisted living. we look at that place plus another one. he really liked the first one.

i am thrilled, to say the least. it's simply not safe for him to live alone any longer and i'm 8 hours away - my one brother lives 1.5 blocks from him, but they do not have a very good relationship.

tuesday night, the malemate is off bowling and i've just poored myself a cocktail and starting to shut down for the day -- the phone rings.
it's my older brother. i answer and he goes off on me about 'stirring up shit and then leaving...like i always do'
huh?

i'm sure it appeared that way to him. so, i proceeded to tell him that it was NOT MY SUGGESTION OR DECISION - that dad had told me he wanted to do this - we simply went and scouted out a couple places with him.

apparently, dad listed the house and set an auction date with the local real estate broker/auctioneer (yeah, how convenient is that combination?) for a date in july. a date that simply does not work for my brother -- and a date which my brother specifically told dad not to go for. it's like dad is doing everything he possibly can to alienate himself from those that just want to help.

this is going to be my longest summer ever.

the road to mend

tomorrow we leave.
it will be the hardest trip the malemate will ever take.
the first thing after landing, we will go to the coroner's office, from there to the crematory, from there to the place where mike lived and died.
i don't know how the malemate will react to such a morbid start to the short trip.
i know i'm glad i'm going with him so he won't be alone.

this past weekend i needed help with the music for the slideshow dvd that i did of mike. the stepdaughter is in the music business and i thought maybe she would lend a hand - since it is for her half-brother. so after 10? 12? years of basically no communication, i emailed her and asked for her help with the song selection.

she sent back 6 songs - 2 in which she is the vocalist. to say i was thrilled is an understatement. it was a loving gesture and i used both of them.

but not only did she send music, she sent a very heartfelt note. she opened the option to crossover our differences.

it goes something like this:
without either of us having to apologize for past vicious words, she is willing to go forward from this point on. i have to give it to her - that had to have been hard for her, because just 2 years ago, she made it perfectly clear to her dad that she did not want me at her wedding. her wish was granted - the malemate went to her wedding alone.

i see this arrangement as very doable. and for the malemate's sake, i welcome the opportunity.

however, i do not see much changing other than when she calls and if i answer, i may ask how she and her family are doing.

i may even sign the birthday cards now too.

and if the malemate dies before me, i'll call her and let her know.